one week

It has now been a week the T and I have not been together. We made it just short of 6 months. Bits of me still hope that we can work this out and get back together. But most of me knows it wont work out. At least not without a large change on her part. This may sound selfish of me, but i cannot live as the mistress any longer. I know she is not ready to leave Adam. I know I cant trust her word if she tells me that she will.

Moving on is going to be very hard. Mostly because there is a part of me that is willing to take the abuse to be with her. But I know I deserve better. And that I shouldn't settle for less then I know I deserve.

Although I know all this, logically. It doesn't make it any easier.

I miss her. Miss holding her body in my sleep. Feeling her breath. Talking with her. Telling her every secret, knowing that I have nothing to hide from her. It was so nice not being lonely. feeling I had someone to rely on. When I could rely on her. I know I can fall in love again. I trust that I have that ability. Knowing this does not make me want to move on any faster. Start again. I realize I have started over alot in my life and that I can do it again and again if i need to. I don't want to. I am tired and don't want to struggle. Don't want to live with a feeling of longing, or searching. But I guess thats the human condition.