She is going to hate me. And i will have to accept that. I'll have to move on. And I can I know I can. Stay strong. Day by day. It will get easier. I know it will. We have gotten to an impasse. And i don't know what else to do. I cant continue this pain and crying. The fighting and struggle.
I am still so torn on this. As much as I know logically I need to do it. Need to protect myself. I still love her. Want to believe her. Want to believe that she will be good to me. Who knows maybe with time apart the way we interact will change. Maybe it will change to us just being friends. Or that she will decide she is gay and doesn't want to be with him. Who knows how it will turn out. But the truth is I can't continue the path I am on.
She wants to talk about it tonight. Not sure how that will go. Or if it will just be another circle. No one can honestly tell me what they think I should do because most of our interactions are so private. No one sees the fights or strain. They hear them from my perspective. Skewed and tainted my pain. So this decision is one that I have to make without any input form the people I love and trust.
Part of me think I should be more patient with her. She is in a difficult situation and she is confused. But it doesn't out weigh the pain. Maybe I start with a month apart. See what clarity that gives me. And her. Maybe she would get over me fast. Move on to another woman more willing to put up with her baby daddy drama. Or decide she is set up with what she has.
At this point I will take any decision as long as it is a decision. No more limbo. No more waiting for the poker game to begin.
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