I have to say, as disappointing as last night was, or should have been. I have just written it off to how I believe most men are. All the text messages were so wonderful, romantic, dirty, slow, and carring. But when it comes down to it. He is just another primitive beast. My friend yes. But a beast focused on the target. Hey at least I can say I have tried it. And I guess it wasn't so bad. Not nearly as satisfying or interesting as eating pussy, but then again I am a lesbian.

I find it interesting the double standers our society has. A straight woman can fool around with women now and then and she is still straight and accepted. How ever a Gay woman sleeping with a man is viewed as a betrayal, as not a real lesbian. I have to admit I am a little guilt of this double standard myself. I watched Chasing Amy a week or 2 ago. I got so irate that she would betray her Gay identity and form this sexual, committed relationship with a man. So maybe thats what this is all supposed to show me. I am more fluid and so is the world. No I don't attach to men. But can admit I am attracted to them the same way straight women are attracted to the bombshell they encounter. I know that there are alot of people in the lesbian community who would be disgusted by this. But if they are it is not someone I want in my life anyway. I want openminded evolved people in my life.

I am not saying I am done with this selfish boy, because I very much enjoy the teasing on text message, the attention of it and the creativity of it. Perhaps he is just like Chris, wonderful at the text, IM and phone stuff, but totally inept with human beings. Maybe to him I am a different person when we text. I know he is a little different to me. His flaws fade and he can become a fantasy person. And no how wonderful truth is, it will never match the fantisy. even it surpasses the fantasy it is still slightly a let down.