I got my keys back. Silly little thing. But it seems that my leaving susan forced her to hit rock bottom faster then she would have other wise, and she got herself in rehab. Im glad for it. If that was my purpose n her life i feel i fulfilled it. I hope she takes care of herself after this. She said she has been sober a week. She said that she has been sick as hell with detoxing.

She told me i have a lot to work on, and tonight mo told me I push people away when they get to close. I think the truth is mo pushed me away when I wanted to be closer. i broke up with him after he refused to talk to me about me moving there. And I broke up with susan when she pushed me away. Am I being delusional? Projecting my insecurities on them or are they doing it to me? Either way I know I need a creature to put this need to take care of on to and a dog is just the perfect outlet for that. I need to get myself under control in the eating department. I know it is my addiction, but unlike drugs of alcohol you cant go cold turkey. Can't ever give it up totally.

Each one of them I love in their own way and they will always have a place in my heart. Doesn't mean they have a place in my life.