Face a demon

I know I have trust issues. I know I believe everyone who comes in to my life will end up leaving me. I am fighting that right now. Tricia in the past has given me reason to doubt her. But she isn't now. She is being wonderful. I am the crazy one. Or well we both are.

I will get over this hump and hopefully with my relationship in tact. I know I am a survivor an can keep moving even if I end up with a shattered heart. I would rather not. I love her and want this family I am being pulled in to.

If money were no object I know things would be different right now. I don't know if they would be for better or worse. If I would have run. Or if I would have moved in to a bigger place to take care of them.

Fuck PMS. at least that's what I'm going with is wrong with me right now. I am nearly a week late. T & I have spent every night together for a week and a half so I think I am just syncing up to her. Fucking Finally! But the 2 weeks of PMS are making me feel whiny, needy, insecure all the traits I hate.

My jaw is killing me from gritting my teeth. It makes me feel so trapped in my head when I do that. Like I am disconnected from the rest of my body. Everything below my neck matters less. It went away while I was at the gym today.

woo stream of conscious rambling.

Things are good. When I take a breath, I am grateful.