Weird Week

So it has been a long week and a weird one at that. i should have written this down earlier because now i am going to lose feelings and details. so first the bullet points

monday

dee shows up WOO

sue gets mad at me because her friend renee was hitting on me apparently

horay start the birthday week

tuesday

dee and larry become my house guests

i become sues house guest

wed

birthday

dinner with friends and 3 drinks, decide i have been drinking too much and it is fucking with my mood.

Boss falls off a ladder.

thursday

2nd birthday, too many plans

the hash wins because they had a "Birthday Surprise" for me

hashers caked me

friday

Susan's birthday-dinner, painting class, drinking, and because of drinking fight about renee

saturday

start taking st johns wort- I feel so much better

lay around most the day

sunday-now

ok so i am not sure why sue is worried about renee, i don't know if she is a known girlfriend steal-er or what. but we were doing nothing wrong just talking. but this has come up a few times now so i need to sit with sue and talk about this. we only bicker, fight or argue when liquor is involved and since it was our birthday week we had 2 moments of conflict. and because i am a commitment phobe or because i am a fatalist i always think any fight is the end of the relationship so i am a bit numb to how i feel about susan right now.

having dee in town is great and i am getting more use to having them in my house. i was completely overwhelmed and stressed out about it at the beginning of the week. but now that i am in it its not so bad. i am starting to worry that they will still be here when jenn comes to visit feb 15th. not sure what i will do if it comes to that but it shouldn't and i might loose my shit if bee is living with me for a month. well larry is more the issue. he is a nice guy and all but 2 girls in a small space is different then 2 girls and a man.

so since my mood has been all over the place i decided to start taking st johns wort again and within a hour i felt so much calmer, clearer. i was so overwhelmed and my feelings were hurt over small things. i haven't let go of the fact that i haven't had sex in a week despite spending about every night with my girlfriend, but it has been a stressful week, so this week is not a determining factor of how much she drinks normally, how much we will have sex, blah blah, blah. point. i am not making any decisions based on this week. and the no sex and no masturbation because my house has no privacy. i am loosing my cookies just a little bit. i am tempted to take my vibrator in the car since that is the only time i am ever alone other then right now at work and that would be bad.

why after being so sure of loving susan am i all the sudden doubting the relationship. i think i must be crazy for how fast my moods change.

ok more latter