So on november 5th i told T it was over. the next few days were a mix of her screaming at me over text. Calling me nonstop. And sad sappy lovey begging. We both said things that were so past horrible. but somthing broke in my and I dont know what or why.

Yesterday 11-11-11 i told her i needed 2 weeks of space. total silence. she Agreed? and yes its been less the 24 hours but so far, silence. She said she wont hear from me again till i reach out to her. I know this needed to happen. i know i did the right thing even if the means were nasty and drawn out. But right now I am missing my companion. feeling that loss. i have been so busy and will be again, to think about it. but its saturday morning. the only day I have off this week, and too early in the morning to go out and start my errands.

So i have time to miss her. There are pieces of me that wonder, will i ever be loved again? is she right saying she is the best i will ever get? i don't think so but it is a fear. I do love her, and will miss her. but the amount of pain and stress she causes me is more then the joy she brings my life. i cant handle the drama. or the inconsistancy. i was trying to wait it out. give her the time she needed to move on from him. but i don't think she ever will. she bought a new car yesterday. a green mini. the same care a few months ago she made fun of me for liking. something about that pisses me off so much. so far past jealousy that she owns that car. like a kid who gets something only because you want it and cant have it.

so, i bought new make up, black eyeliner and red lipstick. new perfume. I do love the old but they didn't have it. and signed up to be in a art bizzar in 3 weeks. hopefuly i will keep moving, and not get bitter or jaded. or go back.