Longest I have going without talking to T in the 10 months we have been together and I am peaceful and actually happy. I think that is telling me something. No just hope it lasts long enough to get my head straight. so when she is done trying to out stubborn me with the silent treatment I can keep the distance and tell her i need a break.

Food, Booze, Running. I am defiantly chasing a dopamine high that i am missing from my life now after the being single no sex thing kicked in.

I need some motivation. At work, in my personal life. I need to start running and doing yoga more. Eat less junk food and drink less.

Ah

I have been told now by 2 people close to me that I am selfish. And in both cases I know that it was truly the person pointing that finger that is the selfish person. I believed Jeana for a long time after she told me I was selfish. It took alot of time. Some very good friends and alone time to realize that its not true and in alot of cases I need to be more selfish. Now Tricia is telling me I am selfish. I have offered her everything I have in the world. Given her all the energy I have and still it is not enough. She is truly the selfish one. Taking everything 2 people has and it is still not enough for her. I know this mornings fight is not the end of what ever us there is. But I hope that I can carry with my this knowledge. That I am not selfish. I am giving and loving. And worthy of the same. I want to hold on to the knowledge that the fact she has a emotional disorder is not an excuse for the way she acts. The episode is not outside of who she is. It is a part of her. I will not justify away her actions.