number one

I think what i need right now is to be someones number one. The way you are when you are a child, your parents think of you first. When you make a best friend. Knowing that you can run to that best friend. Knowing that that best friend will run to you. The way lovers become a working unit, separate but functioning in unison. I want someone to call just because they are thinking about me.

I want to have not been alone in the hospital last week. I want someone i would feel confident in calling up to be with me. I want to be held, not just hold someone else. I want to be kissed.

I have not had someone think of me first in a long time. I have not been the person someone thinks hey i wonder what hope is up to. in a long time. The last time i was someones number one it turned in to me taking care of Jeana. She was my number one and she was her number one.


I think the only way i will be someones number one is if i am my own. I need to put myself first, give myself the attention i need.

But how do you give yourself attention? Can you give yourself affection? I need to find a way to be strong ehough to support and love knowing i can have nothing in return.

I know this felling will pass. I know this is just temporary. I wish for tonight i had someone to hold me.