Depression is a Curse

A stupid, pointless weak state of being. I don't see any reason for it other then a curse. I just want to crawl back in bed and stay there. Or cry and scream and rage.

home sick and lonly. there we go. thats the feeling. or part of it atleast. I miss my family

I am trying to figure out how i feel right now. I never got the chance to write my letter to Jeana on here. Hopefully I will soon. I slept in today with Chief, made groceries and came home. Ate a little and laid dawn for a nap. I woke up feeling horrible. My stomach is upset and I have a headache that is making me dizzy. Pulse I have this feeling in my heart I had a year ago. After Tricia broke up with me one of those too many times. We were laying in the park and she was appologizing. Its this deep uneasy betrayed feeling. Maybe I woke from a dream while I napped that speared that feeling. It shouldn't be Chief he has done nothing wrong.

We went to a peep show last night with friends and he stayed with me. Good sex, lots of cuddling sleep in. All that is just fine. It is causing me a slight bit of anxiety, the whole I am gay and sleeping with a man thing. and the fact that we have not been very carful.

I think my time frame, sleeping, eating and such not being on schedule is fucking with my mood. I have to work tonight from 10 to midnight for inventory. I feel like I wasted a day. Don't et me wrong. cuddling with Chief for hours was wonderful and I did need to rest. Still do I think. But I always feel guilty when I don't gogogogogogo all day. I am not good at relaxing. and I think I am not as good at being alone right now as I use to be. I think I need a good cry. So much has changed and happened in the past few weeks. I think a little release would be good for me.