Just put my finger on something

Something has been bothering me for a while. I have been mulling it over. It has been a general unease. For months now. What it boils down to is the perception that saying I was in love with a man puts on me.

When I started dating Mo he was a she. And that fit how I saw myself and how I want the world to know me. I flirt and have flings with men, but don't connect with them. As I moved in to a serious relationship with Mo the fact that the world saw me as dating a man did not bother me at the time. Mostly because seeing him you know he is not your typical male. Therefor I felt I was still being honest to myself and the face I presented to the world.

Now that it is over, my history includes a long term committed (kinda) relationship with a man. I feel like this makes me a Lier. I will always consider myself Gender Non-discriminate. But I feel dishonest saying yes I was in love once with a man. because it is not the full truth.

And society does not recognize words like Gender Queer, or Trans Gender as a gender. So anytime I share my past I am forced to either share more then is my right, less then is honest or lie. i do not like this feeling. I do not want to feel dishonest or disloyal. I know that recognizing how i feel about this is the best place to start to solve this feeling in me. Now What is the next step?

Lady in the Merror

Good morning, lady. You look slightly familiar. You have my eyes, but sometimes thats all I recognize in you. Your hair is longer then mine and red, your skin paler then mine should be. You are slimmer, stronger yet more gentile then I am. Even those eyes I recognize are a lighter shade of green then my hazel eyes. You have collar bones, mine have never shown under my little girl skin. You are wearing my cloths but they look different on you. I think I know you.

I can not stop thinking about this amazing women I meet who I will probably never see again!

Feeling Self Concious

Well I have had an interesting few....... well ok so my whole life. Last night sticks with it and was fun.

I actually went out. Picture that, I had a life for the night. Met an amazing women named Shannon, I really hope to see her again. There are so many tourists in town, I assumed she was one too. But she's not! woo. She lives on St Johns Bayou. I am so jealous of that location. I miss seeing bayou every day.

Any way the reason I went out last night is a high school friend is in town. Took her out, did the Bourbon thing. Hit the Gay bar, met some great people, and danced lots! Enough, more latter, now its time to go work brunch! Peppy, I'm Peppy, or at least will be after coffee.